[ADDICTION-RECOVERY] The Passing of Matthew Perry Hits Hard
I was never a “F.R.I.E.N.D.S” fan but Mattman was an inspiration on so many levels that I watched a bit of it to connect the dots. Perry characterised himself as a ready-made, just-add-water addict: an alcoholic with his first drink at the age of 14, and hooked on painkillers with his first pill, prescribed after a jetski accident. His sudden passing especially when things seemed to be going so well says a lot about how badly we fail in this fight against addiction. We always seem to see the signs when it’s far too late…
This was the last post Matthew Perry put out on Instagram. Ironically, the 54-year-old actor was found dead in the bathtub of his Los Angeles home on Saturday, October 28. Did we miss something here?
In the tapestry of Matthew Perry’s life, woven with both brilliance and struggles, there emerge vital lessons that echo far beyond the walls of Hollywood…. He hadn’t been seen on TV since 2017 when he played Ted Kennedy in the Reelz miniseries The Kennedys After Camelot. Then his frank memoir, Friends, Lovers and the Big Terrible Thing, came out in November 2022. He called himself a just-add-water addict, hooked on painkillers after a jetski accident, detailing ferocious substance abuse and on-set drinking. He seemed resigned to a young death. While the book has been praised for its honest depiction of addiction, some feel it takes unnecessary mean-spirited jabs at some fellow celebs.
Conspiracy theories have surfaced online, questioning the official version of Perry’s death. Some fans have speculated that Perry was murdered by someone who wanted to silence or harm him.
In the glitzy world of Hollywood, where fame and fortune often overshadow the harsh realities of life, there are stories that remind us of the human struggle beneath the glamorous facade. Matthew Perry, best known for his iconic role as Chandler Bing in the hit television series “Friends,” was one such individual whose life was marred by the haunting spectre of addiction. His battle with substance abuse, a journey marked by highs and lows, ultimately ended tragically, leaving behind a legacy that serves as a stark reminder of the importance of mental health awareness, a good support system and compassion.
The Shadows of Addiction
Behind the laughter and applause, Perry was engaged in a silent battle with addiction. Substance abuse became a formidable opponent, threatening to overshadow his talent and achievements. Despite his public persona, Perry was candid about his struggles. He openly admitted to his addiction, becoming a beacon of hope for others fighting similar battles. His honesty was not only brave but also crucial in breaking down the walls of stigma surrounding addiction and mental health.
In his intense memoir, Perry opened up like never before. Detailing his tumultuous family life, his long-speculated ups and downs with drug and alcohol abuse, and his relationships with stars like Julia Roberts and Valerie Bertinelli.
The overarching message, however, was from a man grateful to be alive after all he’d been through, and eager to pull the veil back on the real-life person behind one of the world’s most beloved sitcom characters. In fact, as Perry told The New York Times ahead of the book’s release, some of his happiest moments on Friends were surrounded by some of his darkest times in real life.
During the later seasons of Friends he was routinely drunk, high or hungover on set, prompting concern from Jennifer Aniston (“‘We can smell it,’ she said, in a kind of weird but loving way.”) Even a “sober companion” to shadow him at work proved insufficient safeguard: when a read-through was cut short by Perry’s incoherence, the entire cast staged an intervention.
He told The New York Times that after his character, Chandler Bing, married Monica Gellar – played by Courteney Cox – in the season 7 finale, he was “driven back to the treatment centre… in a pickup truck helmed by a sober technician.”
“[I was] at the height of my highest point in Friends, the highest point in my career, the iconic moment on the iconic show,” he notes. “When you’re a drug addict, it’s all math. I wasn’t doing it to feel high or to feel good. I certainly wasn’t a partyer; I just wanted to sit on my couch, take five Vicodin and watch a movie. That was heaven for me. It no longer is.”
When The One With Monica and Chandler’s Wedding aired, in May 2001, Perry was living in rehab.
The Courage to Seek Help
Perry’s journey was not one of defeat but of relentless courage. He sought help, entering rehabilitation programs multiple times, displaying immense determination to overcome his demons. His story became a testament to the power of resilience, reminding the world that the path to recovery is paved with both setbacks and victories.
Perry’s book makes mention of several hospitalisations that the actor endured throughout his years of drug and alcohol abuse. His colon had exploded in July 2019, only three years before the publication of his book, and in January 2022 he underwent his 14th surgery relating to his drug addiction. “I finally have rock-hard abs, but they aren’t from sit-ups,” he wrote, perkily.
“The doctors told my family that I had a two percent chance to live,” he told People at the time. “I was put on a thing called an ECMO machine, which does all the breathing for your heart and your lungs. And that’s called a Hail Mary. No one survives that.”
Perry revealed in the book that he had 14 surgeries on his stomach, and that the scars served as “reminders to stay sober.” But the biggest motivating factor for steering clear of drugs came from his therapist, who told him, “The next time you think about taking Oxycontin, just think about having a colostomy bag for the rest of your life.”
Collage: Daily Mail
The Struggle with Addiction
Perry’s battle with addiction was no secret. Throughout the years, he openly shared his struggles with drugs and alcohol, a courageous act that inspired many others fighting similar battles. Despite numerous attempts at rehabilitation and periods of sobriety, the pull of addiction proved overwhelming.
Perry described, often, the reward he drew from supporting other addicts: “The best thing about me, bar none, is that … I can help a desperate man get sober.”
The world might be shocked at his untimely death, but Perry knew that his addiction was going to kill him; he told us in print a year ago, in a book that reached six figures in sales. Indeed, he wrote, his most surprising takeaway was that it hadn’t already.
“There are two kinds of drug addicts,” Perry wrote of his preference for opiates over cocaine. “The ones who want to go up, and the ones who want to go down … I wanted to melt into my couch and feel wonderful.”
His candidness about his journey shed light on the arduous path to recovery, highlighting the fact that addiction is a relentless adversary, regardless of one’s fame or fortune. Perry’s resilience in the face of his demons was both admirable and heartbreaking, a testament to the complexity of addiction and the importance of ongoing support and understanding.
He wished for a family life.
One of the things Perry truly hoped to do with the rest of his life was fall in love and build a family. He said he ended nearly every relationship he’d been in.
“That was me afraid,” he told People. “That is what I manifest, something that’s wrong with them. And then I break up with them. But there can’t be something wrong with everyone. I’m the common denominator. I left first because I thought they were going to annihilate me.”
While Perry admitted that he “had a tremendous amount of fear” about love, he said that, “through a lot of work, I’ve got over that fear.”
“I’m going to learn as I go. The thing that’s changed about me is I have no interest in hanging out with somebody that I don’t know or somebody that I’m not that into,” he shared. “The next person I really take seriously is somebody that I’m going to be in love with and not be scared by the things that used to scare me.”
As for who that person will be, Perry said he was looking for “somebody who’s self-supporting.”
“In every way, but monetarily especially because I got burned a few times by women who wanted my money, not really caring about me,” he added. “A sense of humor, beautiful inside and out, caring. This is really important, somebody who can have a back and forth with me.”
He also wanted to have kids, telling the outlet of being a dad, “I think I’d be great. I really do. I grew up with a lot of little kids around me, and that’s probably why, but I can’t wait.”
Health, a partner and kids were all things Perry was confident he’d be able to have in sobriety.
“I’m not run by the fear I used to be run by so everything’s kind of different,” he said. “I’m feeling more confident and I’m not afraid of love anymore, so the next girl I go out with better watch out.”
A Legacy of Hope and Awareness
Matthew Perry’s life serves as a powerful narrative, urging us to look beyond the fame and fortune of our idols. His struggle with addiction, though heartbreaking, was not in vain. It ignited conversations, shattered stereotypes, and inspired countless individuals to confront their own battles.
Matthew Perry’s openness about his battle with addiction and mental health struggles served as a beacon of courage, breaking down the barriers of stigma. Through his journey, we are reminded of the unyielding human spirit, the power of seeking help, and the importance of compassion. Perry’s story highlighted the fact that addiction can touch anyone, regardless of their fame or success, making it imperative for us to foster understanding and support for those facing similar challenges. His legacy is not just in the laughter he brought but also in the conversations he sparked, paving the way for greater awareness, empathy, and a world where no one fights their battles alone. As we remember Matthew Perry, let us carry forward the torch of his bravery, ensuring that his legacy continues to inspire change and foster a society where those battling addiction and mental health issues find the understanding and support they deserve.
In an interview that came as part of the press tour for his book saw the actor bravely open up about his struggles with addiction, this is what he said when asked how he’d like to be remembered:
“I would like to be remembered as somebody who lived well, loved well, was a seeker and his paramount thing is that he wants to help people.
That’s what I want.”
In remembering Mattman, let us honour his legacy by fostering understanding, empathy, and support for those fighting addiction. By continuing these conversations, we can ensure that his story remains alive, a guiding light for those in the darkness, and a reminder that, even in our most challenging moments, there is hope, there is help, and there is always a chance for recovery.
"If people just took it a day at a time, they'd be a lot happier." ~ Richard Bachman
Hi there! I’m Derek, an avid football fan, biker, passionate photographer, addiction-recovery researcher and a diehard foodie.
A man of faith too if I may add. God is central in my life and my writings veer towards that quite unapologetically.
I write for therapy. For my own soul. My own healing. And hopefully, things that randomly cross my mind and get onto this blog will reach someone along the way and touch their lives as well. There's no way I'm having these random thoughts without some end purpose. The power of ONE!
In a nutshell - it began with the #21DayChallenge back in March 2020 when India went into lockdown due to COVID-19. The challenge was to post daily for each day of the lockdown on anything related to the Coronavirus. I aced it but realised I enjoyed spreading joy and positivity the most in those 21 days.
Since then I've continued to blog while trying to consciously spread some positivity in a world that desperately needs it right now. I'm passionate about God (I'm not religious), reaching addicts (been there, done that, know what it feels like, feel like I can help), animals, environment, sports (especially football and Chelsea) and cancer warriors (again, been there, done that, know what it feels like, feel like I can help).
Though I've been blogging (ghostwriting) for a while now, mainly for clients, just felt like I had so much to say and this time of social distancing and self-isolation just gave me more time to take the plunge.
Previously a PR Specialist, I began freelancing as a Copywriter and Social Media Manager in 2017 after a medical emergency left me homebound. In 2020 I started DW Consulting, a PR/Social Media Agency that brings together many of my passions including food and photography.
So, presenting my personal blog to do just that - air my personal views! I hope you enjoy my very random insights and looking forward to your thoughts on them. God bless!
Check out my Instagram account while you're at it... I kinda fancy my photography skills too 😜
One life, live it well! ✌️
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Derek J. Wheeler 